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Choosing appropriate gifts for a biology major requires a certain insight into the sort of personality that tries to decode the very nature of life itself. You know, the Victor Frankenstein types! And like Frankenstein, biologists spend a lot of time hanging out in labs full of preserved specimens talking about apoptosis and wondering, “where am I going to stack all these boxes of frogs?”
What kind of present do you buy for someone who regularly pins deceased critters to paraffin wax? Weird and wonderful biology gifts, that’s what. But not frogs. They already have too many frogs.
10 Gifts for Biology Major that will Delight and Surprise
Caffeine Beaker Mug
This graduated beaker mug holds 16 oz of methylxanthine class central nervous system stimulant, a widely consumed and completely unregulated psychoactive substance that keeps biologists moving. It could probably hold other things too, but it’s primarily a coffee mug. I don’t think anyone would go to jail for drinking water out of it, but maybe. I knew a guy that went to jail for sneezing too loud, so I guess anything’s possible.
Adorable Stuffed Neuron
Biologists like brains, both literally and figuratively. And what are brains made of? Nobody knows, it’s a complete mystery. Probably Vienna sausages. One thing’s for sure though, there are some neurons involved somehow. And neurons make adorable plushies. Look at this one; it has beady little eyes!
Biology Throw Pillow
Imagine you’re a biologist exhausted from a long day of bioligizing. You come home and flop on the couch, but oh no! There’s no pillow for your head! Well, there is that one pillow that you still have from when you shared an apartment with your roommate, but it has flowers or something embroidered on it and they leave weird marks on your face. If only you had a biology pillow. Bam, here it is!
Pandora's Lab: Seven Stories of Science Gone Wrong
Sometimes science starts hanging out with the wrong crowd. It skips peer review and its grades begin to drop, and before long you have bad science on your hands. The kind of science that says, “A lobotomy will fix your crazy!” Prolific author and physician Paul Offit reviews seven such examples of bad science, from the mid-19th century’s unsettling embrace of the lobotomy to how legitimate painkiller research mixed with greed led to an opioid epidemic. Offit even looks into the near future to review some potentially bad-science in the making. This well-reviewed book is a fascinating read for anyone interested in science and human nature – like biologists!
Microscope Poster Print
Biologists like to look at things up close. Really, uncomfortably close. Like, so close that they can see what’s happening inside of the cells that make up the thing they’re looking at. That kind of Inception-level gandering requires the most sciency gadget known to science: clown shoes! Nope, no…that’s the most circusy thing in the circus. It’s the microscope! Scientists love microscopes so much they want to marry them. Unfortunately, microscopes make for unreasonably expensive gifts for a biology major, but a fancy print of a microscope is not only affordable, it’s also – sophisticated art. According to Mendel’s lesser-known fourth law of inheritance, that means you are sophisticated if you give this as a gift.
Funny Science Coaster Set
You might think that with their command of the natural world, biologists could drink a glass of ice tea without leaving an unsightly watermark on their lab table. Wrong! Studies that I just imagined show that biologists leave up to 13% more watermark rings on tables than regular people. Is it because they’re constantly being distracted by mitochondria? Yes. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Give a biologist the gift of funny science coasters, and help them avoid the embarrassment of watermarking all the tables they come into contact with. Which they’ll absolutely do, because studies have proven it so. Plus, each coaster comes with invaluable reminders about working in lab conditions, like: Lab Rule #1 – Never lick the spoon.
Dissection Kit
“Here, I got you a dissection kit” is a sentence you don’t get to say very often, and if you do – well, I just hope you know a lot of biologists. This highly rated kit comes with 11 of the most widely used dissection tools, along with 11 single-use scalpel blades. This kit also includes a pair of Mosquito Forceps, which sound like they’d be very tiny but are, in fact, not.
Every tool has a 100% stainless steel handle, so they can be easily cleaned and sterilized. All tools come in a black padded zipper case, which makes them convenient to carry to the lab. Or in the field. Or wherever those boxes of frogs are stacked.
Darwin Finger Puppet & Refrigerator Magnet
This is not just a finger puppet of Charles Darwin. No, It’s also a refrigerator magnet. For practical purposes, this means that if a biologist is walking past the lab fridge and suddenly needs a finger puppet of Charles Darwin to help explain natural selection to a colleague – it’s right there. Conversely, imagine a situation where the same biologist has finished explaining natural selection, and no longer needs a Darwin finger puppet weighing down her finger. She can simply reach out with her hand and use the mysterious powers of magnets to attach the puppet back onto the lab fridge door. Simple, convenient, and completely necessary.
Science Infinity Scarf
Long, chiffon, and sciency. This scarf is an ideal accessory for any cold-necked biologist that likes to look good and smart at the same time. It can be worn as one long circle or wrapped around twice for that extra comfy feel. And the science-themed print also has a microscope in it, and everyone knows how much biologists love microscopes. The love ‘em so much!
EcoSphere Aquatic Ecosystem
Each EcoSphere is an entire, self-sustaining ecosystem under glass. Inside are 3-4 living shrimp, which probably have no idea that they’re being watched. The only thing you need to keep the EcoSphere running is an indirect light source (artificial or natural) to feed the algae – which feeds the shrimp. Microorganisms figure into this biological equation too, but they’re a secretive bunch, so who knows what they’re doing down there in their mico-world. Fun fact: Evidence of microorganisms in 3.45-billion-year-old Australian rocks is the earliest example we’ve found so far of life on earth. So they’ve had plenty of time to plot something. Whihc makes this one of the more appropriate gifts for a biology major who also likes intrigue.
2 More New Gifts for a Biology Major
Laboratory Flask Salt and Pepper Shakers
Not only are these shakers shaped like laboratory flasks, they’re also labeled in the style of the periodic table of elements: Pe for Pepper, and Sa for Salt. If you give this to a biologist, remember to ask why pepper hasn’t been given its own spot on the periodic table. Biologists love questions like these. Another question that biologists love is, “So how many bigfoot do you think there are in the wild? Not in zoos, just the wild ones.” Biologists know the answer to this question, and are legally required to tell you if you ask them.
Charles Darwin Votive Candle
Typically burt as an offering in prayer, this particular votive candle implies more secular intentions. As described by the Unemployed Philosophers Guild, this candle shows devotion to the “patron saint of slow, random, gradual, adaptive change (and finches).” If Darwin were alive today, Annie Leibovitz would probably shoot his photo for the cover of National Geographic while he held a monkey, his notebook, and finches formed a halo above his head. Sadly, that’s a Nat Geo cover we can only dream about. But this candle is pretty good too.
